The Screaming Divas Captain O' Captain and Webmaster has been honing her mediocre tennis skills, fomenting insurgence in suburbia, finding herself in improbable conditions, becoming a rock star (see image, bottom), and obtaining an unlikely terminal degree in comma-splice detection. As a result of the latter, she will forevermore be referred to as "Doctor Captain."*

She has collected a carefully calibrated yet eclectic collection of, in some cases, wildly inconsistent female tennis players who look good in a variety of tennis apparel.

May 20, 2011. NEW! To all Divas, Fans, Friends & Lovers & Friends of Lovers & Diva Lovers & Fans of Divas With Lovers! Your Captain O’ Captain is wallowing in the bittersweet glory of unmatched victory last night with her “partner” Leen ‘The Lemur’ DeRidder, a feisty Belgian ball-of-fire; however, the orgasmic flights of euphoria arising from the win might be more analogous to a less-than-satisfying experience with a South Ridgewood courtesan than a night of passion with a beloved lover in that the Screaming Divas Elite SEALS Team did not achieve their Greatest Greatest Greatest Most Superlative Victory, overall. Susie "Rainbows & Butterflies" Holmes and Diana "Dangerous Discourser" Inscoe did whip their bewildered opponents, employing a tactic rarely seen, or rather heard, at the Trails Racquet Club. It was reported by the quad of Men playing alongside them that the Divas seemed to be confusing their opponents with a stream of conversational non sequiturs and confusing confabulation as a sort of red herring in the gray clay. They were overheard saying that your Captain O’ Captain produced a Love-Child with the Terminator, which is in fact unsubstantiated and a lie. The baby was just a doll and was left on the court by an unknown party (see image, right, click to enlarge).

While the Screaming Divas Elite SEALS are pensive about their not-win, they remain hopeful that some sort of non-lethal event will happen to the Evil Debarians, which will not technically hurt them but will involve them not winning any more matches this season. It is in that spirit that the Divas have been appointed an Official Team Witch Doctor, an Official Team Photographer, an Official Team Austrian, and an Official Team Cupcake Baker to raise the spirits and physical prowess of the Divas minds and bodies.

March 19, 2011. Don’t avert your eyes because of all the words, Divas & Diva friends! This is Critical Information!

The Season for Giving has begun, my Diva Elite SEALS and Friends O’ Divas! Giving our opponents Hell, in the metaphorical sense of "a place of painful existence" rather than the blustery biblical hell of the KJV where "the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone" (Revelations 21:8), but possibly similar to a place where there shall be "weeping and gnashing of teeth" (Matthew 25:30). The Divas have been known to cause occasional weeping and gnashing, if not through spectacularly powerful tennis, then occasionally through mild on-court violence not sanctioned by the USTA Official Guidelines or the Third Geneva Convention.

In any case, your Captain O’ Captain will be the subject of a graven image this week, as she may stand in what she humbly identifies as her corporeal envelope in front of a curtain of Mylar. She can only hope that the Mylar treats her well.

Your Captain O’ Captain (see image, right, for comparison with image, left) would like to call her socially-conscious (even if physically unconscious) Divas into action. Florida lawmakers, in their infinite wisdom, are considering a bill (SB 1854) raised by a wise Republication, Steve Wise (see image, left, for comparison with image, right), that is … proposing that the public schools (K-12) be required to teach a "thorough presentation and critical analysis of the scientific theory of evolution." The Wise Senator had proposed a bill in 2009 that would have required schools to teach, as Science, Tales of Wizardry (often referred to as “Creationism” or “Intelligent Design”) to public school students. Your Captain O’ Captain wholeheartedly agrees but also demands that Florida schools be required to teach Her “How the Earth Was Made Out of Kellogg’s Box Tops in 41 Hours and If You Don’t Believe It, You Will Burn Forever In A Secret Alcove Under The Earth’s Crust,” as Science, to everyone in the Universe, because She feels that if you’re going to teach Evolution, you ought to teach all Three sides of it, whether they are ground in established scientific theory or not.

Your Captain O’ Captain defers to her favorite local Preacher On High, Pastor Hargrave of Riverbend Church (see image, right), for all aspects of how the universe was created that Her theory fails to cover. In his edge-of-your-seat sermon, Pastor Hargrave points out that hominids didn’t have souls (Duh!) and that the earth was created before the stars (Double Duh!). He also states that God took exactly six days to create the entire universe when he could have done it in an instant so we would have a “narrative” to throw in the face of the freaking Evolutionists. Otherwise, there’d be no real evidence … While that seems perfectly legitimate simultaneously flying in the face of all reason, your Captain O', like Christopher Hitchens, wonders what in God's name God did on the eighth day. Finally, it must be noted that Pastor Hargrave teaches his flock that God put the instinct in birds to fly south. Admittedly, your Captain O’ Captain’s Creation Theory did not include a section on the origins of bird flight patterns. You are urged to view the sermon (click image, right!) in its entirety to confirm that your Captain O’ Captain did/did not take the Holy Man’s words misleadingly out-of-context.  

Even more importantly, the Screaming Divas Elite SEALS will soon be official. Stay tuned for instructions. We are, OF COURSE, having our mandatory-voluntary training camp on Sunday at 3 pm. Be there with your balls on.

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Days gone by ...

March 9, 2011.

Charlie Sheen (see image, right, click to enlarge) and decry consumption of spirits whilst simultaneously imbibing in a regimen of rainbow-colored beta-adrenergic blocking agents and secret whisky sours!

We have hereby commenced our Screaming Divas Elite SEALS 3.5 USTA Season with mandatory-voluntary Diva Training Camp Sessions every Sunday at 3 pm at The Trails. Your presence is not only desired but demanded. Bring your favorite tunes and spirits. And balls. Please remember that tennis without balls is just violence. Bring balls to avoid violence.  

Your Captain O’ Captain whirled rapaciously around the courts at the Champion O’ Champions tournament with Diva Tonya a couple of weekends ago, devouring two levels of competition like drunken despots seeking redemption through nothing short of annihilation of the enemy. After Diva Susie commented wryly on your Captain O’ Captain’s choice of tennis apparel (“I’m not going to be seen wearing boys’ boxers and a wife beater,” she said rather wryly), your Captain O’ took it upon herself to emulate the Virgin/Whore decorum of said Diva (see image, left, click to enlarge), despite the confusion it may cause.

January 12, 2011. Hello Divas, Fans, Friends & Lovers & Friends of Lovers & Diva Lovers & Fans of Divas With Lovers. Your Captain O’ Captain is hereby forthwith advising you of a few important developments. Somehow, the Diva Offshoot Team is playing in Sectionals this Friday through Sunday at the Florida Tennis Center. The Captain O’ that team is Susie “Rainbows & Butterflies” Holmes (click here to view the Susie panorama), and she, along with your Captain O’, will apparently be playing two matches a day until we flatten our opponents by either winning legitimately or slipping green, frothy absinthe into their Gatorades. You are encouraged to come out and support this Diva Offshoot Team this weekend! Presents are appreciated.

The Screaming Divas 4.0 team begins the Spring Season tomorrow evening, and fortunately, we can only move upward from the Fall Season! Your Captain O’ Captain, of course, will be leaving you briefly to fly on the wings of a bird to Rome, Italy, here she will explain to her audience how we, in the US, teach students that people who have had sex outside of marriage are akin to saliva-covered candy, used tape, and Oreo cookie spit water (a larger description is here). She is distributing Champagne and Oreos to make her point. She will also boldly suggest that healthy sexual activity does not require approval from the clerk of the court. She has some other things to say too, but her policy advisors from on high have suggested that her arguments, while valid and accurate, may affect her reputation. While she does not want to tarnish her carefully crafted public image, she believes strongly in these issues, and she would like to remind anyone who wants to throw tomatoes at her face that there is pictorial evidence that she has a family (see image, left) and even supports the daily living needs of a psychotic cat. So she requests your kindness, drinks, and words of encouragement, and also that you contact her if you have any interest in this issue.

Finally, your Captain O’ Captain would like to state that the GVTL women of Volusia may want to consider consuming large quantities of valium before playing league matches. She asserts that if a line call requires a conference between partners and extensive scoping of the line for a mark, you might ought to call the ball “in.” She further asserts that, unless you are 100 years old, you cannot tell your opponents where to hit the ball. For example, if the ball seems to be coming toward you and you are afraid of said ball, step back. Or, don’t play. If you are 100 years old, you may request that the ball not be hit near you. She further further asserts that you shouldn’t really argue line calls very much or roll your eyes and gasp dramatically when you feel violated, unless said violation was physical and involved penetration. In all cases, profanity is totally acceptable, as long as it’s in another language. Just some suggestions.    

December 24, 2010.

More significantly, your Captain O’ Captain wants to wish all Divas and Lovers of Divas and Those Who Love Divas the fondest of Merry Christmas wishes. She eschews the secularization of the traditional commercialized religious celebration of capitalism and applauds those who avoid the mamsy pamsy practice of respecting the holiday practices of those who celebrate the season in ways that fail to include a amphibolous connection to the baby Jesus. Christmas without Christ is just Mas, which means “carnival” or “celebration” and has approximately 106 acronym meanings. Jesus is the reason for the season, and while he was the infant recipient of gold, frankincense, and myrrh, He would certainly understand that the speculative nature of the gold market and a decreased demand for oil based restoratives as a result of two millennia of pharmaceutical development has rendered these symbolic gifts somewhat obsolete and, in honor of the march of progress, bless the transfer of wealth from His flock to various multinational Big Box stores in his honor. Happy Holidays is not for terrorists, as posted on thousands of Facebook status updates due to a viral strain of

In any case, your Captain O’ Captain wants to remind her Divas that regardless of their affiliations with church and state, she thanks them for their service this year and prays for 2011 to be the year of their Greatest Victories. She is still mildly reverberating after being rebuked in a recent match by an opponent, after your Captain O’ Captain attempted to wallop that ball down her alley. When she demanded that your Captain O’ Captain cease and desist hitting any ball in the vicinity of the space where she stood, your Captain O’ Captain did point out that she could perhaps back up from the net and, therefore, avoid being struck, and also noted that her opponent tended to hit balls wherever she wanted, including several at the body of the recipient of her wrath. In the spirit of Christmas and the all-round Diva victory that ensued on that cold winter night, your Captain forgives her opponent and wishes that, in the future, whatever balls the feisty player faces are slow and soft.

September 18, 2010. Hello sweet Divas! Your Captain O' Captain has a great deal to tell you about tennis, but she will limit her advice only to remind you to follow through in order to avoid being pointless. In other words, keep your eyes focused intensely on the ball, not the player; start low; end high; and finish the shot with a full, spectacular swing that leaves you in an ephemeral  one-armed hug with self love being vital to winning the match and also being a useful skill in times when the one you love is out of reach. Whatever else you do, play hard or get off the court. You may hit some balls to the fence trying for a winner, but the match has to end eventually, my babies, and you might as well play fiercely. As we rage against the dying of the light, a spectacular loss trumps a mundane win.

The Divas began their GVTL season choosing not to win their first match, overall. But, they still demonstrated their usual verve and violence on the court. After Diva Jan claimed her opponent made a ridiculously f(*&ing bad call, both she and Diva Terry flung themselves over the net and sliced their opponents’ strings using the Divas’ monolithic diamond rings as knives. Subsequently, Diva Tonya was heard threatening her weeping opponent with dismemberment in a fashion similar to that portrayed in the dark non-comedic drama, Boxing Helena. Diva Tonya’s partner, Leen, pacified Tonya by gently stroking her shoulder with a sweat towel and whispering a Belgium lullaby in her ear.

Your Captain O’ Captain was continually distracted in her singles match by the rainbows and butterflies encircling her opponent at all times (see image of Diva Susie below), as well as the weight of her own self attached to the earth instead of 14,000 feet above, where she floated barely a few hours earlier (see image, left). Your Captain slipped off the edge of the plane clipped to a stranger, and as she fell through the clouds and closer to sea level, she thought of you. She wanted just one more chance to see you, talk to you, and tell you all the things that she’s always wanted to tell you.

In exciting news, the Divas will have the Official Beer-Tennis-Girls-Music “training camp” Sunday at 3 pm. Park at the Casa O’ Your Captain O’ Captain to enter through the side gate. RSVP!  

August 17, 2010. O Sweet Gherkins Divas! We have achieved our Greatest Sweeping Victory against the Arch-Evil Other Team, winning three of three matches all in tiebreakers. In that regard, your Captain O' Captain was inspired to record another congratulatory post-"run", pre-shower video, wherein she offers her most earnest appreciation for the Herculean effort expended by the plethora of 2010 GVTL/USTA Screaming Divas, a video which she has since deleted. The video removal occurred after she was  being visually reminded of the value of covering the root of things with bleach, when darkness rears its ugly head.

In other news, your Captain O' Captain has grown weary of the "Screaming Divas" moniker and is seeking your suggestions for a new team identity. Email her immediately with your submission. Please do consider that that things aren't necessarily as they seem, but that your Captain O' Captain cares for you a great deal.

August 13, 2010. Your Captain O' Captain is swathed in the sweat-infused glory of victory not calculated by "points" but rather by the propensity for violence in pursuit of those points. In that vein, her hot-tempered, irascible, bumptious Divas take the proverbial cupcake, which they have occasionally slammed down the throat of their nearest opponents. In one instance, a particularly feisty Diva was seen at a recent match brandishing a small firearm, soon confiscated by a defunct vice presidential candidate who was "hunting wabbits" (see image, right).

In another example of Diva direption, Diva Kelli (see image, left) had to be intravenously medicated after insisting that her opponent engage in aggressive self-flagellation after the frightened player inadvertently tossed the Diva a ball slightly out of her reach. In a statement reminiscent of Cardinal Egan and the official but not spiritual leg of the Catholic Church, Diva Kelli will make no formal apology except to say that "mistakes may have been made" and if those mistakes were made, Diva Kelli states that she would be "deeply sorry." In a particularly ballsy move, several local captains have petitioned the USTA to strictly forbid Diva Kelli from using her "angry face" on the court.

Your Captain O' Captain has had a week full of epiphanies and self revelations and would like to particularly thank Diva Lisa for helping club members better understand the deepest desires of your Captain O' Captain. In a joint effort, Diva Tonya stepped in to explain that things aren't necessarily as they seem, [CLICK ON THE LINK. I CREATED A PAGE ESPECIALLY FOR YOU] whereupon your Captain O' Captain reiterated the illusory nature of choice in what we will vaguely refer to as affectional heterodoxy.

July 27, 2010. My sweet dolly Divas, Fans, Friends & Lovers & Friends of Lovers & Diva Lovers & Fans of Divas With Lovers! Your Captain O' Captain knows you crave her reportage of Diva Happenings, and in a more agreeable atmosphere, she would apologize profusely for what might be characterized as oscitance had you seen her in person. But all of that is mostly hypothetical discursive ramblings similar to the garrulous desultary performance-based rhetoric twittering across Facebook. In that regard and because your Captain O' Captain does not want to fall into the vortex of lost sensation, she made herself a lovely spinach salad and deleted her Facebook account, including 58 photo albums. She would like to remind her "friends," though, that whilst she did technically delete them as "Friends," they are still (upon their cooperation) "friends."

Your Captain O' Captain has recently returned from Saddlebrook Tennis Resort, where she and a small cadre of tennis warriors engaged in an intense training program under the oppressive weight of excessively painful solar radiation. She did insist that her Diva Travel Mate Audrey (see image left for evidence that Diva Audrey apparently participated voluntarily) photographically document that she hit a backhand. The image (right) does not show actual connection with the ball, but your Captain assures you that the stroke was successfully executed. She has yet to use her new backhand successfully in a situation where the ball is not specifically fed to her backhand, but she believes a spontaneous backhand event is imminent.

In more important news, the Screaming Divas Combo Team is playing TONIGHT at the Florida Tennis Center at 6 pm. Your venerable Captain O' Captain requests that you, and specifically you, attend this special match and support your favorite Diva. Or, in the event that your favorite Diva is sitting on the sidelines imbibing in some sort of fire water, please come over and rub her knee. If she says "no," she's just kidding. As well, this is a reminder that the Divas will have their regular Sunday beer-tennis practice here at 3 pm. If you would like to attend as a guest opponent, please email the Captain O' Captain. Admission to all Trails members is secret but not terribly painful and, most likely, only a misdemeanor.

June 30, 2010. Your Doctor Captain O' Captain is back from the jungles of Central America, where she left part of her blood and flesh (see image, right). It was astutely pointed out to her that whilst she was passed out at the centro médico with only the ambrosial Costa Rican doctor and his trusty assistant whom we will refer to as "Jorge," that she may have perhaps unwittingly donated a kidney or other non-vital organ to a pecuniarily successful Third World drug pin with renal failure. In the meantime, she will ignore the jagged scar in her lower abdomen and assume that was from a long forgotten, slightly off-target Caesarean section and focus on more important things, such as the new, spectacular 7.5 Combo Divas!

Your Captain O' Captain is excited almost beyond words (see video, left), but also very sad, as she was somewhat presented with a pre-formed team, otherwise she would have demanded that all of her Diva Elite SEALS immediately re-enlist. No fears, though Divas. There will be Plenty O' Tennis for all. All Old Divas (old in the sense of "longstanding" rather than in the sense of being a moth-eaten woman of advanced age) and New Divas are invited to attend practices and post-coital fêtes involving consumption of fermented fluids and toasted crackers.

Hey honey ... This message is just for you. Don't forget to touch here. I will have something very important to add, once you tell me that you really want to know what it is.

June 19, 2010. We are in an era of epic victories, my sweet Divas. We will practice every day until we achieve our yet-to-be-decided goals. Stay tuned for more ...

June 14, 2010. Oh my sweet Screamers! Your Captain O' Captain is exceedingly grateful for the largesse of her Divas, Fans, Friends & Lovers & Friends of Lovers & Diva Lovers & Fans of Divas With Lovers. Your munificence does not go unrewarded. For each gift given, you will be touched, perhaps metaphorically or superficially, depending on your classification, by your Doctor Captain O' Captain. Now, baby, here I'm talking ONLY to you. ONLY you can see this. This is a private conversation ... This is all about you and me. Put your hand gently on the mouse and click here. Your Captain wishes you the very best experience possible today, and will return at some point to update you on Diva transgressions and diversions. Right now, she must re-begin her excruciating running regime.

June 11, 2010. It was the night of the Diva Elite SEALS Thrice-Greatest Victory! Your Captain O' Captain plied her #1 Singles opponent with Butterscotch Schnapps disguised as cough medicine and then defeated her in a large victory. Hammer T in #2 Singles managed a jarring defeat through forfeit in absentia, as her opponent, hearing rumors of Diva Tonya's propensity for orthopedic violence, fled for the mall.

Divas Robin and Laura battled ferociously in #1 Doubles, but slightly lost in a split set tiebreaker. Divas Joni and Audrey in #2 Doubles and Divas Diana and Susie in #3 Doubles managed to win their matches without violating any of the more significant Florida statutes.

This concludes the final match of the USTA season, but the Screaming Divas Elite SEALS intend to practice every day for the next 12 months, though they have not solidified exactly what they will be practicing.

June 9, 2010. My Diva petunias and Diva followers ... Your Doctor Captain O' Captain reports, while weeping prodigiously, a loss last night against the evil FTC/Rice. She suggests that all Divas, Fans, Friends & Lovers & Friends of Lovers & Diva Lovers & Fans of Divas With Lovers seek consolation in the poetic Book of Lamentations, "Her filthiness is in her skirts" (Lamentations 1:9) possibly referring to the Divas errant choice of pink apparel, which will be replaced by All-Black-Thursday. Your Captain O' instructs her mourning Divas to give themselves no rest. We must soldier on!

The night did have its Diva highlights. First Doubles Divas, including Diva Robin and your Captain O' Captain, won a decisive victory (6-2, 6-3) against their modishly dressed blond-tressed opponents, though there was some question as to whether USTA rules and/or common law decorum allow Diva Robin to challenge the beleaguered women to a "cleavage contest" during changeovers (see image, left).

In an effort to Bridge the Gap to Nowhere between the Extreme Right and Tangentially Left national political factions, your Captain O' Captain celebrated during the post-coital fête involving consumption of fermented fluids with a tempestuous gun-slinging failed vice presidential candidate. When your Doctor Captain asked the rabid eyed femme fatale whether she actually intended to shoot Goldie the Cat, the woman responded with a cryptic shout (a passersby heard "NUCULAR MOTHER") and then swung the gun wildly in the direction of a passing Prius.

The 2nd Doubles Divas, Audrey and Bonnie (see image, left), pulled through with a tie-breaking victory and made a peculiar vow to remain in captivity inside the fence until their next match. Their motivation is uncertain, but the Divas are a very "accepting" group that allows for a wide spectrum of tolerable behaviors. Third Doubles Divas, Susie and Diana, looked spectacular but were ultimately defeated in points; however, they remain undefeatable in warring spirit.

The Singles Divas, Hammer T and Joni, did not technically win but were spotted together after the match, each emitting what some called a copulatory glow (see image, lower right). There are unfounded rumors outside of the scope of your Captain O' Captain's boundaries of carnal understanding.

Our next and final match is this Thursday, my lovelies. Please come cheer your Divas on to certain victory against their Sister Team! Finally, all Divas, Fans, Friends & Lovers & Friends of Lovers & Diva Lovers & Fans of Divas With Lovers are preparing for the Doctor Captain O' Captain's celebration of her 40th Year-On-Earth, and whose birthday coincides precisely with that of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, at a celebratory Saturday night Round Robin. Your Doctor Captain reminds you that she loves you the best. You can confirm that by clicking here and listening to our special song.

June 5, 2010. A thunderstorm of biblical proportions (a New Testament storm, the New International Version, though your Captain O' Captain's religiously relies on the spicier KJV) prevented the Diva Elite SEALS from sealing their victory this week against the cocksure FTC/Rice. For those assiduously following the Diva path-to-thrice-greatest victory, stay tuned. Your Captain O' Captain will soon be sending her Divas out as sheep amongst wolves (and she reminds her sweet Diva SEALS that while many are called - to be Divas - few are chosen), appearing Pretty In Pink.

In the interim, all Divas, Fans, Friends & Lovers & Friends of Lovers & Diva Lovers & Fans of Divas With Lovers can begin and/or continue the month-long natalitious celebrations. Your Doctor Captain previously solicited large, expensive gifts representing your affection; however, she is considered the national recessionary conditions and therefore has decided to rescind that solicitation and, in lieu, suggests that you proffer to her a gesture or tangible item, including edible goods, symbolic of your special relationship with her. An amoret, perhaps. Here now, baby, I am speaking only to you ... Only you can see this. I think of you often and wonder what the future holds. If you feel the same, but only then, CLICK HERE to listen to the special song here for you. All unwanted or ill-fitting gifts will be sent to the Humane Society. What would a dog do with a peignoir, you ask? That depends entirely on the dog.

Perhaps more significantly, lest you think your Doctor Captain is idle, she has posted Timeline of Sex Education Reform in Volusia County Public Schools (and is working on a research paper entitled The Abstinence Mission: Emissions, Taboos, Hell, Purity & Reproductive Abundance) and will eventually, probably, request your support, so she suggests that you lubricate your mind with the facts in preparation for that day. Everything has a reason, my loves, but not everyone has reason.

May 28, 2010. All Divas, Fans, Friends & Lovers & Friends of Lovers & Diva Lovers & Fans of Divas With Lovers! Last night, the Diva Elite SEALS achieved their Greatest Greatest Victory in a match against the truculent though impressively coordinated FTC/King. Your Captain O' Captain roared precipitously to certain victory in #1 Singles (6-0, 6-4) against her opponent, who exhibited traits of a baby dove in the first set but managed an aggressive comeback in the second set. However, she ultimately fell to pieces when your facinourous and infinitely resourceful Diva Captain, feigning affection by gently touching her opponent's bare shoulder, applied a small transdermal patch containing a non-lethal dose of methaqualone to her opponent's sweat encrusted flesh, only to cement what was definite victory under any circumstances. 

In #2 Singles, Hammer T commanded attention when she insisted that her succulently sweet opponent wear a hobble skirt. This was done to avoid the necessity of actually hobbling the woman. Hammer T capped off her 6-2, 6-3 win by smacking herself on her left "cheek" and screaming "SCREW YOU, KERRIGAN!" and mumbling something inarticulate about "Detroit 1994." Your Captain O' (see image, right, click to enlarge) and Hammer T sauntered off only to find that all three pairs of Doubles Divas had lost their first sets. Devastated, the victorious Singles Divas took refuge by submerging themselves in Diva Joni's life-sized beer cooler.

Divas Laura and Audrey (see image, left, click to enlarge) and Divas Bonnie and Marci (see image, below left, click to enlarge) were fatally bamboozled by FTC/King's shady playing. There were accusations of gerrymandering, later dismissed. However, in the most arresting and heroic spectacle to date, Divas Diana and Susie (see image right below) came back from losing the first set 2-6 to win a second set tiebreaker and then a split set tie breaker and WIN THE MATCH FOR THE ENTIRE DIVA ELITE SEALS TEAM!

Mayhem ensued. (The previous sentence was inspired by the eloquent biblical verse famous for its unmatched brevity: "Jesus wept.") See full photo coverage of the Greatest Greatest Victory by clicking here! Turn up your audio and be sure to click the teeny "play" button in the lower right corner of the link. eCommerce note: For full size, full resolution images of Diva Susie, please send thumbnail and $87 to 10 Lake Walden Trail, Ormond Beach, Florida 32174. (Not an actual "thumb nail" but a "thumbnail" of the image you so desire.)

All Divas, Fans, Friends & Lovers & Friends of Lovers & Diva Lovers & Fans of Divas With Lovers are invited to attend next week's match at home against the Evil FTC/Rice. All those mentioned above are further encouraged to henceforth begin planning and saving for your Doctor Captain O' Captain's celebration of her 40th Year-On-Earth involving some sort of tennis fiesta the afternoon/evening of June 12. Large, expensive wrapped presents are not only encouraged but requested.

Read & view more about Diva activity in the Archives ...

*Your Doctor Captain